Saturday, November 22, 2008


Merda fit

Wisconsin gave a party about 75,000 years ago and the last major glaciation came. It was a festive affair with the global ice sheets moving down to cover all of Canada, much of Eurasia and the Continental US down to Pennsylvania. A good time was reportedly had by all. About ten thousand years ago the party broke up and the glaciers receded. Their retreat revealed many wonderful things including the Finger Lakes in New York, various deep gloomy lakes in the upper Midwest (such as Lake Woebegon) and the permafrost in the arctic regions of the North American, European and Asian continents.

The glaciers had covered over many slow moving organisms in its rush to get to Wisconsin. Things like trees and lakes and rivers and earthworms and very dimwitted and slow moving animals were trapped beneath the ice. So, many of the things covered over were carbon-based entities, living things. Now carbon is almost as dangerous a chemical as oxygen. It is promiscuous and reckless and will try to combine with almost anything. It is best managed when it is locked up in other things, such as cows and plankton and oak trees and our great aunts. When carbon is released back into the atmosphere doomful things occur. One doomful thing is that there are one-celled Archaea organisms called methanogens whose joy is to combine carbon with hydrogen to form methane. These methanogens are very common in the stomachs of ruminants (your cow) and many primates (your human). They are also very common in wetlands. Methane is, as we all know from bitter experience, an unpleasant gas given to causing bad smells and global warming and embarrassing moments on dates.

And now with global warming, the world’s temperature is rising and the permafrost is melting. And with the melting we get? You guessed it, wetlands. And with the increase in wetlands we get those methanogen guys sucking up all the carbon material that was being held within the permafrost and releasing tons of methane into our atmosphere creating yes, global warming, but even worse a dreadful stench that may be even more deadly to us as a species. It will be like the equivalent of 7,000,000 boy scouts sequestered in an enormous tent and being feed beanie-weenies four times a day. Imagine if you dare.

As always, no need to thank DOOMbrothers for providing this insight. That’s what we’re here for.