Saturday, February 21, 2009

Mysterious Green Comet Nearing Earth: Refuses to communicate with NASA, Intent unknown!

Esse veridis non est facile

In the bland underspeak of NASA, Donald Yeomans, manager of NASA’s NEAR EARTH OBJECT program and NASA astronomer Stephen Edberg announced the latest THREAT TO LIFE AS WE KNOW IT.

The comet Lulin, recently discovered by a CHI-COM teenager (the same teens perhaps who participated in the Olympics), is plunging will-he nil-he towards the earth. The comet came from the edges of our solar system, eighteen billion miles from us, and no one professes to know what it wants. Attempts to establish communication with the comet have been abysmal failures.

The comet still retains the gases usually stripped by approach to the sun. This virginal comet is greenish in appearance due to the type of carbon contained in its vapors and CYANOGEN, A DEADLY POISONOUS GAS.

NASA admits that the comet could come even closer than the 38 million miles from earth projected. The comet is coming on Monday, February 23 and will close with Earth at 10:43 p.m. EST. Edberg stated “…it’s not going to be a real great blast ….” That alone should tell us the doomfulness inherent in this event. This from the same people who underplayed the cataclysm of Apollo 13 with “Houston, we have a problem”.

For those of you who may survive the event, rest assured that we in the Doombunker will continue to broadcast from the safety of the bunker as the Earth is coated with cyanogen. The horror… Good night and good luck.