Ille venit
DOOMbrothers has recently uncovered documents revealing that we are being surveilled. It is not just the surveillance of the 12,007,083 spy satellites aimed at us by the Rooskies, the Europeans, the Japanese and our own government. It is not just the prying eyes of Google. No, DOOMbrothers has found that we are being spied upon from a reputedly innocuous and benevolent figure. We are being spied upon by Santa!
Yes, recently obtained documents, have been found to include this tell and chilling phrase: “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake”. Clearly, we are not simply dealing with your Google taking embarrassing pictures of us sunbathing in our back yard or relieving ourselves in the woods. No, these documents reveal that the dwarves have perfected technology to allow them to view us through the very walls of our homes! Assuredly, even viewing us in the privacy or our bedrooms and bathrooms.
Even more fiendishly, these secret documents reveal that Santa “knows when you’ve been bad or good”. Clearly these fiends have found a way of putting an electronic tag in our ears and are tracking us wherever we go! But even much worse than this is that we at DOOMbrothers have reason to believe that Santa is a white, European male! And, we wonder, how can we allow this being to impose his Euro-centric, outdated and right-wing religious views of morality upon us!
The final and perhaps most doomful detail of this sordid mess is that DOOMbrothers is fairly sure that Santa Claus is in reality, that most chilling of all beings, a CLOWN!
While we are not yet ready open our protective Beta test methodologies to the public, we can give you two words: aluminum foil.
Yes, recently obtained documents, have been found to include this tell and chilling phrase: “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake”. Clearly, we are not simply dealing with your Google taking embarrassing pictures of us sunbathing in our back yard or relieving ourselves in the woods. No, these documents reveal that the dwarves have perfected technology to allow them to view us through the very walls of our homes! Assuredly, even viewing us in the privacy or our bedrooms and bathrooms.
Even more fiendishly, these secret documents reveal that Santa “knows when you’ve been bad or good”. Clearly these fiends have found a way of putting an electronic tag in our ears and are tracking us wherever we go! But even much worse than this is that we at DOOMbrothers have reason to believe that Santa is a white, European male! And, we wonder, how can we allow this being to impose his Euro-centric, outdated and right-wing religious views of morality upon us!
The final and perhaps most doomful detail of this sordid mess is that DOOMbrothers is fairly sure that Santa Claus is in reality, that most chilling of all beings, a CLOWN!
While we are not yet ready open our protective Beta test methodologies to the public, we can give you two words: aluminum foil.
Posts
